If I’m honest, I struggle with this every day.
I’m in a constant battle with myself when it comes to my ability to live up to my full potential as a mother. I’m constantly assessing and reassessing myself and often times feeling like I fall short.
Every decision, every action, everything that I do is done with one thing in mind: my daughter. I see her watching me and attempting to be like me….but is that what I want? My insecurities, my aggressiveness, my strong will—do I want her to have those qualities?
Motherhood for me has been like a mirror—showing me a reflection of who I am as a mother, wife, daughter, and person. It’s like my daughter is constantly holding up the mirror, and I can’t help but look. Every time.
Let me tell you, parenthood isn’t for the weak of heart. As an individual who practices self-awareness and reflection often, even the best parenting books and journaling techniques couldn’t prepare me for what I see in the mirror.
This weekend, that reflection showed me a person who needs to practice more patience. It was a long day, and E wasn’t listening to me. Everything I asked her to do had to be said 3 or 4 times. It took us 25 minutes to get shoes on and leave the house because of E’s strong will (See? She got it from me). In a moment of weakness, I yelled. “PUT YOUR SHOES ON SO WE CAN GO!” I hollered this as I slammed my purse down on the counter top. In that moment, tears welled up in her sweet eyes as she put her head down and slid on her shoes. Reflection shown. And I didn’t like it.
…My sweet girl. Even in my ugliest moments, outrage and all—she still finds a place in her heart to forgive me. Every time. Because, after I realized what the mirror was showing me about myself—I kneeled down next to her and said, “I am so sorry. I am not showing you a good example of patience, and I will do better. Do you forgive me?” She did.
So, although the mirror shows me just how ugly I can be….it also shows me that I have an opportunity to change it. This weekend, I changed how I was to be seen in that reflection. To practice more patience….and forgiveness like my daughter so eagerly does every time I fall short.
This motherhood thing is hard. And I’m working every day at being better than I was the day before. I don’t think I’ll ever master it, but I’ll sure as heck try my hardest with every reflection that I see. Mommas, be aware of your mirror and what the reflection says back to you.
How do you cope with feeling like you fall short? Share some tips on how you change that reflection when you don’t like what you see. Comment below!