Therapeutic Musings

Just another Chapter in your book

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There is such a thing as growing apart. What was once your closest best friendship may become absent or even obsolete over time. It’s true– as seasons change, so does a person and their friendships with other people. Priorities change, life events happen, and you just….grow apart.

It’s not a bad thing at all. In fact, it’s a natural part of life. But, that doesn’t mean it won’t be hard to let go of something that once was. Losing a friend is a tough, hard and heartbreaking experience. You’ve lost the friend, but the memories are still there…hold on to those.

It’s those memories that you can look back on and appreciate when your little girl is making her first best friend in grade school. Know that your friendship helped make you the person you are today. Although things aren’t the same as they use to be, you can smile knowing you had some fun times….

Because Friendships are like Chapters in a book….YOUR book.

Embrace each chapter as you turn each page. Over the years, I’ve lost a few of those childhood best friends– who I will consider “Chapter One.” Two in particular– Rachel and Claire**. While it was a very sad experience for me to acknowledge we weren’t best friends anymore, I also took the opportunity to reflect on and appreciate the meaningful and deep friendships that I have made along the way as I move on to “Chapter Two.

I think what made a big difference for me is realizing the type of friendship that was important to me at this stage in my life. I want a friend who I can confide in. A friend who I can trust. A friend who will love my daughter as her own and a friend who can come over to binge watch TV with.

Truth is another important factor in the friendships that I seek. I want a friend who I can be truthful to (good or bad) and one who I can expect the same type of truth. A friend, who– after 3 weeks (sometimes MONTHS) of not seeing OR talking to– when we are back together, it’s literally like we are picking up where we left off. A friend who knows me inside and out and accepts me for who I am. She knows how much I love my wine and Netflix and doesn’t judge me one bit. She knows my struggles with depression, my family problems, and the need to feel good enough–just like I know her personal challenges too! We help each other through the tough times, and celebrate each other for the good things. Because, that’s another thing– my closest, BEST friends are also my biggest fans and loudest cheerleaders just as I hope to be for them.

Sometimes, it takes an argument or falling out to realize what’s important to you in a friend. Surround yourself around people who uplift you, VALUE you, challenge you and are honest with you. Once you’ve identified those few “ride or dies” (as I like to refer to them as)– HOLD THEM CLOSE and appreciate them as they are with you through this Chapter of your book. You may have closed one Chapter of the book with a friendship lost, but be happy to know that this is just another Chapter in your book and embrace it!

**Names changed to protect the privacy of the individuals

 

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