My precious daughter. Bless your energy, compassion, curiosity and tenderheartedness. I feel your watchful eyes—eager to replicate everything that I do. You see me put on makeup, so you beg to “pee-tend” to put on your makeup. Coffee in the morning? You are right there with me, with your chocolate milk and plastic coffee cup to enjoy your “coffee” alongside mine. Even your mannerisms are all too familiar (the way you dance and sing at the top of your lungs after Sunday morning breakfast). I know you see me. I’m aware of your focused observations.
This position as your momma bears great responsibility. As I’ve written before, you are constantly holding a mirror and showing me my reflection—good or bad. And although I’m up for the challenge, I feel compelled to share with you that I don’t always know what I’m doing….
I’m only human. I make mistakes. I will make more mistakes. I’m still figuring this parenting thing out, and I’m bound to never know all of the answers.
I will lose my temper and yell. Although I will try hardest not to, sometimes I may not know how to communicate my message without yelling.
I will say “NO,” when I should really give you the ability to choose. Most of the time, when I decline a request from you, it’s for a good reason. But—I may miss an opportunity for a teachable moment when I continue to make all of your decisions for you.
I will dismiss you too quickly. You might ask me 25 times to watch you twirl your dress and I’m too busy trying to cook dinner that I dismiss you when I don’t mean to. As you get older, I might fail to cherish those moments that you are coming to me…Please don’t stop coming to me. No matter what.
I will forget you can hear me. My words might fail me and I might slip up and use the wrong word without remembering that you are right there listening to me.
I’ll also forget you can see me. That man who cut me off on the freeway? I’ll forget that you are in the backseat watching me and seeing how I’ll react to the roadrage.
I won’t always be accepting up front. Like when you meet a boy that you want to bring home, or the friends who I think you shouldn’t hang out with. I will have an opinion on them, and I might forget that you are your own person who should be making your own decisions. I’m going to have a hard time with that….
There will be a day when we don’t see eye-to-eye, and you may feel like you could do this whole parenting thing better than me. As my sister so wisely put it—I can only HOPE you will be better than me. That’s my goal in life—for you to learn from my mistakes and become the best version of yourself that you can. Please always remember that I have and will always love you every day of my life. I am not always the perfect example, but you can bet I am constantly trying my damn hardest to be the BEST mother to you. I’m only human, and I will make mistakes. But I will also learn from them with the help of your constant forgiveness.